My Struggles with Anxiety

Hey guys!
So this is a little bit of a different kind of post for me. It’s inspired by Marlena of MakeupGeek making a video talking about her recent experiences with anxiety.

You can watch her video here.

If you’ve followed me for a while you probably remember me posting a few months back about how I was really sick and couldn’t find the energy to post. I never came back and told you guys what it was because I was embarrassed by my diagnosis. It was anxiety.

So I’ve decided to talk about my “mystery illness”, my struggle with my diagnosis, and how I learned to cope with my mental illness.
So back in November of last year I started to have pains in the right side of my chest. It would come on randomly and suddenly, and the more attention I paid to it, the worse it seemed to get. I brought it up to my parents, and they both told me it was nothing to worry about. But I couldn’t get it out of my mind.

One night in mid December I woke up with pain in the right side of my chest, my left arm being totally numb, and practically unable to breathe. I thought I was having a heart attack.  I got up and walked myself downstairs to take myself to the hospital, which I live less than a mile away from. As I slowly made my way downstairs I made an effort to slow down my breathing and calm myself down, and by the time I got downstairs I felt totally fine. So I went in the kitchen, drank a glass of water, watched TV for half an hour, and realizing that I was fine, I went back to bed. That same thing happened to me 10 other times.

I was scared to talk to my parents or anyone else about it. I thought people would think I was crazy. So every day I worried that it could happen to me at any time and that it would kill me. I was convinced that this had something to do with my heart. The more I worried about this, the more frequently it happened.
Suddenly one day in January I started feeling nauseous. And that feeling never went away. I told my mom about it again, and she told me that I was fine and to stop worrying.
In mid-March I was barely eating, drinking only ginger ale or Gatorade, and was profusely sick all of the time. By April 1st when I finally went to see my doctor I hadn’t eaten in 9 days, and hadn’t been able to keep any fluids down for 6. I had lost 12 pounds in that short amount of time.

My doctor is amazing. I told him about my problems and he sat there and listened to me, got me referrals for all kinds of bloodwork, and several specialists. I walked out of his office on a cloud. I was finally going to find out what was wrong! I felt absolutely fine for the whole two weeks I was having all of my tests done.

After two weeks of seeing specialists I went back to see him and he told me that all of the tests we had done had shown that there was nothing wrong with me. So he set up appointments for more tests so we could get to the bottom of what was ailing me. As soon as I heard the news that he couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me yet I got sick again. I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat, could barely even drink anything.

When I went back again and he found those tests to be negative and noticed I had become sick again, he started asking me a series of questions relating to my mental state and health. I was confused, but answered all of his questions honestly. After a brief pause, he told me “I think your problem is Generalized Anxiety Disorder.”

He spent the next 20 minutes telling me how normal this is and reassuring me that I’m not crazy, but I couldn’t hear a word he said. I was too busy crying.

All that time spent sick, feeling like I was dying was because of anxiety? Suddenly I was embarrassed because I had so many people who were worried about me waiting to hear what was wrong and that I was on my way to being healthy. And all I would be able to tell them was that I was sick because I was anxious.
I secretly hoped that he was wrong, but he started me on anxiety medication, and I immediately started to feel better.
After a few weeks I was pretty close to back to normal. I don’t have a specific moment to share as far as what helped me come to terms with my diagnosis. One day I was no longer embarrassed to share with people why I had been sick. And that day came just as suddenly as my “mystery illness”.

I still have bad days- my birthday get away was one of them. I woke up in the middle of the night with the heart attack like symptoms again. I told myself that it was anxiety and to get up and take my medicine. I did, and it went away. The whole next day at Disney I was on edge. I was terrified that it was going to happen again, and even my medicine didn’t help. But knowing that my family was there with me and that at the end of the day nothing was wrong, I was able to make it through the day.
I’m feeling much better now, and I’m so happy that Marlena shared her experience to show others how normal this is and help de stigmatize discussion about mental health.
If you’re struggling with anxiety- you’re not alone! If you ever need someone to talk to you can reach me on my social media:

Twitter: @louisdimplinson

Instagram: @kazzmarie & @kazzmariehair

Facebook: Kira Molloy Professional Stylist

Snapchat: Avadakiraadavra

I hope you guys have a great weekend, and I’ll see you next time!

Lush Haul!

Hey guys!

So a while back, StashMatters made a Lush Haul post and I had already wanted to give lush a try, but having her stamp of approval made it even more of a must do. I was recently at the mall with my sister for my birthday and finally decided to go in and give it a try!

I knew I wanted to try an exfoliating face wash and a mask, so I explained to one of the lovely people working there what a pain in the neck my skin was and they were happy to help!

The woman who helped me had quite a few suggestions for my exfoliator and one pick for the mask, so I decided to try the Ocean Salt self preserving scrub, purchase Angels on Bare Skin, and both her recommendation and StashMatters’, The Sacred Truth.

The Ocean Salt Self Preserving face and body scrub, which I sampled was recommended for use on my face, but I’ve found it more suitable for my hands as it is very abrasive and leaves a greasy film wherever you use it. I got 3 uses out of the very generous sample I recieved and thoroughly enjoyed it as a hand scrub! But I don’t know that I would repurchase it as I have quite a few tried and true holy grails for hand scrubs.

Angels on Bare Skin ($13.95 for 3.5 ounces) has a soft, relaxing scent, and is a wonderful mild exfoliant for my sensitive skin. However I think I am not using enough of it when I do use it, so I’m going to have to keep playing with this one. I’ll have a review when I either finish the tub or simply give up on it.

The Sacred Truth ($7.95 Only available in stores) has been wonderful! It’s freshly hand made and has to be kept refrigerated so in addition to this mask’s hydrating properties, it is also very cooling every time you apply it! It leaves my skin brightened and moisturized every time I use it, and I find it is just what my skin needs after a harsh detoxifying mask!

In fact my only two gripes about the product are rather minor: the smell, and the shelf life. The scent of the product is incredibly strong, and the shelf life is only about three weeks! I will have a full review of this product after I finish the tub!
Overall I’m quite enjoying my first Lush experience! What are your favorites at Lush?! Let me know in the comments so I can check them out!

See you next time!

August 2016 Best in Beauty

Hey guys!
As you all know August is coming to a close today, so I wanted to talk about the things I was loving this month!

First up we have LVX polish in Serene ($18.00) which seems like it would have been more of a spring favorite, but I really enjoyed wearing this this month. Since it was just too hot to go outside having my nails be the color of the sky helped me feel like I was still getting to experience summer from inside my salon!
NYX HD Photogenic Concealer in shade fair ($4.99) This blends like a dream without sacrificing coverage. It doesn’t move around once it sets, and it doesn’t look cakey. I will always love this concealer.
Physicians Formula Butter Bronzer in the shade Bronzer ($14.99) I love this for a soft contour and bronzing combination all over the face. It looks so natural and isn’t too deep or warm for my fair skin.
ColourPop Super Shock Shadow in the shade Cheap Date (No longer in stock) this shadow is a perfect metallic gold that can be applied heavily for a foiled look or lightly for a light summer bronze effect. It’s versatile and perfect for easy summer looks.
Noyah Lip Gloss in the shade Malbec ($16.00) this lipgloss isn’t incredibly sticky so I love it. It’s a beautiful summery shade and looks great on its own or layered over pretty much every lip stick I own. I’ve had a lot of fun experimenting with it this past month!
And last but not least, Urban Decay Perversion Mascara ($10.00) this lengthens, separates, and gives volume without clumping. I have worn it every single day since receiving it as a birthday present. I have never loved a mascara as much as I love this one. 

Swatches of Cheap Date, Butter Bronzer, and Malbec

So that’s it for my favorites this month! What were you living in the month of August? Let me know in the comments so I can check it out!

A Fun Blog Tag!

Hey guys!
I thought this week we’d get a little more personal and I’d do a tag. I’ve had this in the notes on my phone for a long time so I don’t remember where I got it, so apologies for that, but I liked that the questions were really centered around blogging!

1. When did you start your blog?

September of 2015, so just under a year ago!
2. Why did you start a blog?

My best friend, Valentina, already had a blog that I was reading, I habitually read other blogs, and watched beauty gurus on YouTube, I had a large collection of makeup, and Valentina would encourage me to start a blog whenever I would mention hers.
3. When did you start becoming serious about starting a blog?

I’m not convinced I’m very serious about it even now at 11 months in, but I got more serious about it after my boss mentioned to me that she had come across my blog and that it she thought it was cool.
4. How many hours a week do you spend planning/writing/uploading posts?

It varies, but usually far less than I should. Probably about two to three hours a week between photographing, writing, editing, and posting. I don’t do a tremendous amount of planning. I typically decide what I’m going to write the day before I post it and immediately begin the process.
5. What has been your biggest challenge about blogging?

Consistency in my posting. I tend to forget to post for weeks or even months at a time.
6. When is it easiest for you to write your posts?

I work part time when I’m not traveling, so I have plenty of time to write. When I am traveling I usually write in the evening.
7. What makes writing posts comfortable for you?

If this means what physically makes me comfortable, I usually write them in my bed with all the lights off and a lavender or mint candle burning.
If this means what am I most comfortable writing, it would have to be hauls and hair posts. Hauls because they’re just a recap of everything I threw my money away on and hair posts because that’s what I do for a living.
8. Where do you see your blog in one year?

Hopefully I will be posting on a consistent and scheduled basis and making more money at work so that I will be able to buy and review things more often.
9. What is the most rewarding thing to you about blogging?

Finding a sense of belonging within the community. Everyone with whom I have engaged since starting my blog has been friendly and supportive of one another. It’s really great to find support among people who are interested in the same things you are.
10. What’s your worst makeup/hair habit?

Over doing it. I’m very heavy handed and apply hair products and makeup like a gorilla so I can look a little more intense than what is appropriate for whatever I’m doing for the day.
11. What’s one quote you wish the world would live by?

Be excellent to each other.

12. How long do you spend getting ready everyday?

It takes me an hour and a half if I’m not doing my hair and two hours and 15 minutes if I am.

13. What’s your favorite post on your blog?

Honestly I don’t have one.
14. Who is a beauty blogger that you think deserve more subscribers that they have

There are quite a few bloggers who don’t have the audience they deserve. 
15. What’s one thing you’re excited about in the coming year?

A work event in September!

16. What has been your favorite blogging moment?

Hitting 50 followers!
17. How long does it take to prep for a post?

For me there is not typically any prep. 
18. Are you wearing jeans/ skirt right now or are you wearing pajama bottoms?

I am wearing slacks because I am in my lunch break at work!

As for tagging new people to do this, if you’re reading this, I tag you! Also if you have any tag posts you’ve done on your blog, shoot me the link in the comments section so I can check it out! 
See you next time!